7 Steps to Celebrating Well: The Holidays

In America, we love our holiday season. While it technically kicks off with Halloween and continues through New Year's, we stretch that start date up to the first day of fall in September when all things pumpkin spiced descend upon us. Actually, love is probably the wrong word. It's more like an obsession...or a mania. The holidays have become less and less about faith and family and more and more about the hustle and bustle. From holiday shopping to football games to obligatory gift exchanges at work, it's all too easy to get swept away by consumerism. What should be occasions filled with meaning and connection can feel more like stuff everywhere and routines driven by obligation.

My husband and I were recently trying to schedule dinner with another couple. They gave us some dates and added "Let's get it in before the busy holidays!" It's a familiar conversation. You want to make time for relationships, reflection, and rejuvenation, but the holidays really just mean overpacked schedules. The dinners or coffee meetups have to be scheduled around the holiday season because it's just an accepted reality that we're going to be way too busy from mid-November through the New Year.

As you think about heading into November, what is your gut reaction? Do you tense up or do you feel eager anticipation? For most of us, we so badly want to feel eager anticipation and joy, but anxiousness lingers around the edges as we think about the stress of managing schedules. If you are literally or mentally nodding, take 15 seconds to close your eyes right now. Clear your mind as best you can and take 3 slow, deep breaths -- in and out. Really, right now. Eyes closed. 3 deep breaths.

You've just taken a profoundly simple and important step in celebrating well -- you slowed down, even if just for 15 seconds. So how do we extend that to stop the hustle and shift toward a more thoughtful, intentional way of celebrating? This guide will help you slow down and celebrate with purpose, providing seven practical steps to enrich your experiences.

Step 1: Reflect on What Celebration Means to You

No matter how deep you are in season or how busy you feel in this moment, you can always adjust. Intention is half the battle, and part of of why we feel like the holidays get away from us is because we take whatever comes our way, including accepting the pressures of consumerism, without setting vision for what we want it to be and making decisions that align with that. Ask yourself these questions:

• Are my gatherings and celebrations joyful or burdensome?

• How much are my celebrations about stuff vs. real meaning?

• What things am I doing out of obligation or habit but have lost connection to?

• What traditions or experiences inspire joy and help me connect meaningfully to others?

Before jumping into your next celebration, consider what it truly means for you and how it helps or hinders you from connecting with others. To help you cast vision and get on paper what you actually want from your celebrations, try this 5 Senses Brainstorm. If you want to go deeper, check out this Traditions Inventory to help you take stock of how you have been celebrating and identify what you could continue, start, and stop to have a more joy-filled season.

Step 2: Prioritize Quality Over Quantity

In a culture that often associates size with success, it’s crucial to value quality over quantity. Instead of organizing large, lavish gatherings, think about hosting smaller, intimate get-togethers. Research shows that small gatherings can strengthen relationships; a longitudinal study by Harvard indicated that people with strong social ties live longer. By simplifying your events, you can foster deeper connections and have meaningful interactions while reducing the stress of extensive planning.

As for the abundance of invites: RSVP with intention, not obligation. If it's a gathering that will allow you to joyfully share your famous recipe or keep you laughing all night long or just relax and enjoy, then bring it on! If it's a gathering that feels more frantic than fun, then consider skipping. If that means RSVPing no to a relationship that's important to you, plan a different kind of connection that fits in your normal routine. Invite the person over for a weeknight dinner with your family or schedule a park and coffee playdate or run your next errand together.

Step 3: Embrace Simplicity

Simplicity holds immense power when it comes to celebration. You don’t need to create elaborate or costly events. Sometimes, the best experiences come from simple gatherings: consider cookie-decorating with friends, a potluck dinner, or a cozy movie night at home.

Even your home can be simple. Make your holiday decorations about the experience, not the aesthetic. Maybe that means you find an hour alone to make a cup of coffee, pull out the themed pillows, and hang the lights. Or maybe you schedule a Friday night for the family to put up decorations and sing your hearts out together.

By focusing on shared experiences instead of complex arrangements, you’ll uncover profound joy in the little things.

Step 4: Create Meaningful Traditions

Traditions add important depth to your celebrations. Create family rituals that reflect your values and passions. Think about a morning advent calendar, a nightly Bible reading, a holiday movie night, or cooking a specific dish together. These traditions can deepen your bonds and create cherished memories. According to research from the University of Pennsylvania, shared experiences boost family communication and strengthen relationships.

What's beautiful is that step 3 actually works hand-in-hand with this step. One year in our process of embracing simplicity, I bought some plastic ornaments and a few paint pens to decorate ornaments with my toddler. It was such a hit that we did it the next year and then the next, and now it's a family tradition and what we use to decorate our Christmas tree. Some years, we've invited neighbors or friends to decorate with us and take home their own ornaments. Other years, it's just us. But it's something the kids look forward to every year. They love looking at their ornaments from previous years, sometimes not believing that the scribbly ones came from the mind of their younger selves.

Step 5: Involve Everyone in the Planning

If you've already established a way of doing the holidays, intentionally or not, making a shift to a slower one can bring up some challenges. The more you can involve the family in the conversation and plan together, the more buy-in there will be. You can even use that 5 Senses Brainstorm from step 1 and complete it as a family. Informally at dinner or more formally in a family meeting, share how you're re-thinking what the holidays look like, express your excitement to celebrate more intentionally, and invite your family to vision with you.

Maybe the idea of celebrating slowly is beyond your younger ones and it's less about explaining the change and actually just doing it. Involving everyone in the planning makes for a more enriching experience. Encourage input from family members on activities, food options, and themes. This approach not only helps everyone feel valued but also sparks a range of creative ideas. Engaging everyone can lead to memorable surprises, like a unique game that your kids suggest or a new favorite dish.

Step 6: Focus on Experiences, Not Things

Rather than exchanging material gifts, prioritize shared experiences

that leave lasting impressions. Consider enjoying activities like cooking classes, exploring local attractions, or embarking on day trips together. According to a report from Eventbrite, 78 percent of millennials would rather spend money on experiences than things. Events create memories that stay with you, unlike physical items that may fade, break, or are forgotten.

Our families are inundated with the pressure of consumerism. It's in commercials and shows and surrounds them in stores. But even with all that external pressure, the reality is that what we make normal for our kids will be normal to them. If we focus our families on activities together, then that's what the holidays and Christmas will mean to them. If we focus on buying gifts and getting gifts, then that's what the holidays and Christmas will mean to them.

One of the decisions we've made is to not do a ton of gifts under the Christmas tree

.We take each of our kids shopping to buy 1 gift for a sibling. Sometimes we'll buy a second gift that's art, science, or activity-based. Instead of making the big deal about opening presents, we focus our energy and excitement on the special breakfast, yummy drinks, matching pajamas, and time together (usually a movie and board game). The consistent practice of doing that over time is what instills those values in them.

Step 7: Take Time to Reflect After the Celebration

Once your celebration concludes, take a moment to reflect on the experience. What aspects brought you the most joy? What could be improved for the future? Evaluating these elements can help enhance future celebrations, ensuring they remain rewarding and meaningful. Keep the activities you love and adjust or throw out the ones that were overwhelming.

Embrace a Meaningful Celebration Approach

Opting for a more thoughtful way to celebrate is not just a rejection of consumerism—it is an affirmation of what truly counts: connection, joy, and memorable experiences. By following these seven actionable steps, you can slow down and learn to celebrate meaningfully, leaving you with memories that resonate long after the festivities end. Remember, it’s not about the financial investment or grandeur of the event; it’s the love and intention woven into the gathering. So take a breath, make plans with intention, and celebrate slowly.